If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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