I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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