what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
