The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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