Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So much Jack, so little girl.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
