ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
