The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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