He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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