come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
