I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
