I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
