That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
