ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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