I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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