Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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