she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
