Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
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I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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