Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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