sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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