I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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