I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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