If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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