i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
