He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Randomize
