found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
