tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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