why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
