theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
