hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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