He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
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Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
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Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.