my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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