I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?