Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?