Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We left the knife in your bed.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.