Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito