Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
