Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
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She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
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If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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