Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
