Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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