Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
