dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
