life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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