My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
