OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
