At least make sure they are 18
Why
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
