Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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