watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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