So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Randomize
