what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Four minutes until I can fart!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
