This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
