Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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