I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
barbara walters just said penis...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
