I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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