brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
