At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
