I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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