so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
