Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
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I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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