Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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