one two three fourrrrnication!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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