New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
