don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
