i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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