Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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