Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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