Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
