Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
