I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
