Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
a search helicopter?!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
