Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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