Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Terrible idea I love it
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
