I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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