I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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