Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
