I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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