hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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