I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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